I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of hearing about how some 16-year-old loser invested $1000 dollars in Bitcoin and is now a multi-millionaire. I want to be rich, too, without having to put in any real effort.
Don’t get me wrong, though. Finding the “right” get-rich quick opportunity isn’t easy. Like many others, I tried making my fortune on ebay. That didn’t last very long, as I found it hard to compete with chinese companies that were selling electronics with a 5 cent profit margin.
I later tried buying and selling real estate with no money down, but I could never get through all the instructional videos by that short guy with the fancy car and house who sometimes shows up as a commercial for youtube videos, so I never actually bought anything.
I even tried selling information about how to get rich, but I never got rich before to have any authority on the topic and, to make matters worse, all the information I was trying to sell was already being offered for free by like 44 different people.
As I sat in my parent’s basement trying to figure out what to do next, I came up with a glorious idea that I know is going to make me and many others rich. Drum roll please . . . .
The hottest investment trend in the coming months will be the rise of the Cell Phone Addiction Company. I kid you not. There is a plethora of people who need this treatment, and Cell Phone Addiction Companies are going to be in great demand until the government tries to license the practice. But until then, there is money to be made!
Let’s be honest here. As many people try, and fail, to cure their cellphone addiction, many cellphone addiction companies will fill the void, particularly for those that have neither the time, health insurance, or privilege to see a licensed psychologist. The opportunity is ripe for a solid investment in this burgeoning industry, particularly if you yourself are addicted (or pretend that you aren’t addicted but you know deep down that you are) to cellphones. As I believe the great Tony Robbins said on one of those Inc. videos on Facebook, “You have to speak from a place of authority.” Put another way, to become a great investor in a Cell Phone Addiction Company, you yourslf have to understand the issue of cellphone addiction.
To that end, here are 5 signs that you have a cell phone addiction. Don’t ignore the signs! Once you do, then invest in a Cell Phone Addiction Company or start your own, make a lot of money, and then hopefully you’ll get interviewed by CNN Money or better yet become the subject of a BuzzFeed article! Just don’t forget to reference this article, please!
1. YOU ARE READING THIS POST ON A CELL PHONE: First off, I’m not sure how you came across this article. If you somehow googled this, then you went through at least 13 pages on Google to find it. Enough said, right?
2. YOU ARE READING THIS POST ON A CELL PHONE IN YOUR CAR WHILE AT A RED LIGHT: This is related to the first sign, but really? You’re reading this post while stopped at a red light? Sure, convince yourself that you’re a safe driver because the car isn’t moving while you’re reading your phone.
3. YOU ARE SERIOUSLY CONSIDERING PUTTING YOUR CELL PHONE INTO GRAYSCALE MODE OR YOU HAVE AT SOME POINT: For the last couple of years, the same kind of “anti-addiction” advice keeps getting recycled like an old pair of socks, that is, “change your phone into grayscale mode la la la la la.” You’re really at that point in your life where you think maybe you’d look at your phone less if everything you looked at was a horrible looking gray? Do that for an hour or two, and maybe you’ll have a little more sympathy for those who are color blind.
4. YOU CAN REPEATEDLY TOUCH YOUR THUMB TO YOUR INDEX FINGER FASTER THAN 15 TIMES IN 10 SECONDS. Did you really actually just try to do that? Just go straight to a Cellphone Addiction Company. Right now.
5. YOU CAN LOOK AT YOUR BELLY BUTTON FOR MORE THAN 30 SECONDS. Are you sitting down right now? Are you standing in line? Are you at the dinner table? Now look down, curve your back and neck. That’s good. Now curve your back and neck just a little more. Got it? Now stare at your bellybutton, or what you believe it to look like underneath your clothes. Count to 30. Did you count to 30? If you didn’t count to 30, it means you have a cell phone addiction.
So there you have it folks. Those are the 5 main signs that you have a cell phone addiction, as determined by scientists, sociologists, and the hive mind on Facebook.